The Matejovsky Chronicle

[Pseud O'Nym]

Matejovsky is very unhappy, returning from a brief visit to his homeland he has found things are not as he left them.

The club website is saying he has a groin strain and, whilst it is true that he acquired such a strain on international duty last season, the last thing he needs now is Mrs Matejovsky reminding of it. As he only sustained the injury by following the advice of his friend Leroy on strengthening that area, he texts Leroy enquiring how he found fitness again after a similar injury. Leroy's response is confusing, he says that there is nobody fit where he is and that St Pauls would be a good bet. Matejovsky is not an Anglican.

Upon getting out of the bicycle rickshaw, provided by the club to take him to the ground, Matejovsky is concerned to find that the players entrance has been fitted with a coin operated lock and, having borrowed the two pound fifty required from a car park attendant, then finds the gymnasium similarly equipped. Disconsolate, he wonders off to find the club nutritionist.

Matejovsky is startled to find the nutritionists office has been refitted as a Subway franchise. Glancing out of the window his heart is lifted by the site of four people he recognises, it is Sir John, Mr Howe, Mr Hammond and the new bloke with the funny forehead and mad eyes he met in Sweden. He bangs on the window in an attempt to get their attention, in vain.

The four men are intent on carrying a large trunk, with what look like banknotes bursting ot from under the lid, across the car park to the back of Sir John's Bentley. The new man keeps dropping his corner of the trunk and Matejovsky is shocked by the language used by the others each time he does so. Finally the men get into the car and speed away, tyres squealing, as Matejovsky looks on helplessly...

[Ryn]

Matejovsky is phoning his agent.

[bobby m's syrup]

Matejovsky is fed up. Mrs M is furious because the driveway they paid for has still not had the tarmac laid. The 'firm' that was contracted to do the job is now working on Humberside and to make things worse, they left two lurchers and a supply of lucky heather behind Marek's garage.

Just when things are becoming unbearable, Matejovsky spots a bloke in a dodgy tracksuit coming out of the new Subway franchise. Recognising a fellow slav, Marek decides to stay in Reading and on the on the spot, agrees to let Gregor sleep on the floor of his house.

The two new friends set off for training and Matejovsky travels with the squad. He is surprised to see that the team bus is now run by Orbis and smells strongly of Kielbasa. Having diverted to Chester to pick up a couple of plumbers, the bus arrives 4 hours late at Barnsley and Reading forfeit the match.

[SLAMMED]

After the disappointment of forfeiting the match, he comes home to find Mrs Marek standing in the middle of the living room with her arms crossed. She points at a receipt from AW Sports and Tackle, pointing out the fact that MArek has just spent £469 on 3 new pairs of football boots. She then claims he doesn't spend enough money on her and so, following strict orders from the wife, Matejovsky nips out to B&Q to buy a ceiling fan. After arriving home, he turns on his laptop and begins to search for new football boots. Mrs Matejovsky walks in to the room and, like a teenager caught doing the dirty, Marek slams the lid of the laptop shut and falls asleep on the table. She doesn't buy it and instead wonders why the new ceiling fan is still in the box propped up against the wall. After some angry words, Marek begins installing the new fan in the living room.

[Royal With Cheese]

Marek goes for a sly fag in the shed.

[Royal Lady]

Marek goes for a shy fag in the shed.

but TBM is too quick for him and gives him a karate chop around the leg.

[SLAMMED]

The crushing power of TBM's chop severely fractures his leg in 4 places.

[Pseud O'Nym]

Gregor is awoken from a deep slumber by Matjovsky's agonised cries. He struggles out of his sleeping bag, pulls himself up to his full height and is struck between the eyes by the blade of a rotating ceiling fan. Gregor collapses to the floor concussed.

Mrs M has had enough and storms out, pausing only to turn and shout "Vorld class, my arse" at the prone footballers.

[strap]

Marek goes for a shy fag in the shed.

but TBM is too quick for him and gives him a karate chop around the leg.

Careful - Marek may not be happy about you outing his fondness for gay introverts.

[juanpablo]

bye Marek

[Pseud O'Nym]

Matejovsky hops down the aisle of the late night Skoda Air flight from Southampton International to Prague, he still cannot believe his luck that Sparta have taken him without a medical! An elderly lady has to help him put his kitbag into the overhead locker as the stewardess is still waiting for her nail varnish to dry.

Settling into his seat he takes the In Flight Magazine from the string vest that is nailed to the back of the seat in front of him. Opening the aeronautical periodical he is surprised to see that the picture of the airline chairman printed on the facing page bears a remarkable resemblance to a fat Czech from Oxford who had once tried to buy his club. As the ground crew start the propellers spinning and remove the wheel chocks, Matejovsy starts wondering if this is the right move after all.

[Ryn]

After a fall out with the tea lady at Sparta, Marek agrees to come back to Reading.

Rasiak is still unconscious in his living room, and one of the blades on the ceiling fan still has a bloody smear on it, as it is revolves lazily around.

[SLAMMED]

After a tip off from a man known only as Stephen H, police raid Mareks house to find Rasiak on the floor covered in blood. A knife left at the scene with blood over it confirms the suspicion of attempted murder. A quick dust for fingerprints reveals that matejovsky was the last man to use the knife. As Marek walks through his front door carrying a new pair of Predators, the police get their man.

[SteveRoyal]

Matejovsky hangs out with his crew at the Mad Stad to watch the Reserves win. With what we assume to be his kid.

[SLAMMED]

It turns out to be Brendan Rodgers new signing. 6 year old Stefanovic Meranovic.

[SteveRoyal]

Matejovsky sets out making a new Wikipedia article for the new signing.

[Royal With Cheese]

It turns out to be Brendan Rodgers new signing. 6 year old Stefanovic Meranovic.

From the Watford Youth Team.

[Barry the bird boggler]

Marek's found that his ISP has gone up the swannie and now he's got to find another... "věci pro tuto hru vojáků" he thinks to himself and decides to nip into the garden and practice keep uppy.

[Ashfordroyal]

Matejovsky hangs out with his crew at the Mad Stad to watch the Reserves win. With what we assume to be his kid.

Matejovsky says, "look at daddy!"

[Pseud O'Nym]

Matejovsky glances towards where the manager is sitting and realises for the first time that the old man who was introduced to him as "Mad Frankie" isn't a real person at all, but a cameo appearance by Trevor Eve out of "Waking the Dead"